


Aspiration

by SBK



Category: Tower of God
Genre: Drabble, F/M, Khun misses Bam really badly, Khun was very in love with Bam, M/M, Mentions of Death, Messy, One Shot, One Sided Attraction, Slight fluff, don’t read if you haven’t read the webtoon or finished the anime, midnight talks, spoilers in regards of the first season of TOG, unrequited feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:21:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25567345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SBK/pseuds/SBK
Summary: Khun reflects.as·pi·ra·tion/ˌaspəˈrāSH(ə)n/noun1.a hope or ambition of achieving something."the yawning gulf between aspiration and reality"
Relationships: Bam/Khun, Rachel/Bam
Kudos: 39





	Aspiration

Khun was not particularly the best at sticky feelings that spilled over into vehement striked words, he wasn’t the best at handling grief, let alone abandonment that resides deep within his chest, like wires being ripped from a robot - like wounds being filled with salt. That’s what he’d chalk seeing Rachel up to. Seeing her everyday, blonde hair and innocent smiles, but when no one was looking, how her face twisted like a snake’s. Khun knew then, the likelihood of them really  _ really  _ being assaulted by the Bull was probably a farce. But when he inquired about the situation to his companions - the lizard princess and the beauty queen, he quickly learned that without a doubt - Bam was probably dead. 

Bam being dead felt like another reality. Khun, originally climbing the tower to reclaim everything he lost, to steal back everything he deserved, quickly found a new wish settling within his thoughts. He wanted Bam to be with them, eating lunch together, climbing the tower. Hearing the damn ‘Gator roar out painful wails, deep from within his chest was another situation all in itself. 

Khun was not equipped to deal with the way his heart found itself aching when he and his comrades found resting points. How his stomach turned unevenly with worries and what ifs, what if Bam was actually alive and what if he had felt abandoned? What if Khun had really, and honestly, failed to protect those brown eyes - 

Khun had failed to protect them the second he let them out of his sight, he realized. The second he saw the two receding backs of Rachel and Bam, Bam pushing the blonde in her wheelchair, he had a twisting feeling he ignored. 

He knew Rachel had done something, but Bam’s final wish - his only wish, was for Rachel to see something as trivial and rumorous as the “stars.” 

What a joke. 

But as Khun thinks back, he can’t help the solemn feeling. 

—-

“Thank you for climbing so far with me.” Bam innocently grinned once, the two of them found each other in the later hours of the evening, anticipation keeping them from sleeping within their respective rooms, each day was a trial - each day was exhaustive at that. Khun practically melted in the glow that was Bam, a boy so obviously innocent, so unaware of the harshness reality was, and he silently thought to himself how lucky Rachel had been. 

“I should be the one thanking you.” Khun grinned, lightly brushing hands with the other boy, who didn’t even notice the light touch. The truth was, Khun found himself pining for Bam, such an unspoiled canvas, freshly desiring paint and dreams, a boy with no memories other than Rachel - Khun’s one and only regret in life was not meeting him  _ before  _ that heinous snake that was Rachel. He also saw a lot of himself in Bam, and learned a lot of important reflective things he didn’t want to face, not at the forefront of his mind. People are eager to use people for stepping stones,  _ especially  _ wicked females. 

Bam shined brightly without even trying. 

He was the driving force that brought everyone together, made them keen on fighting side by side, made them want to do things  _ right,  _ like God smiled on them and gave them a gift - the gift that was Bam, possibly forged from the very stars that Rachel so desperately needed - so desired, that she’d sacrifice everyone and anything around her. 

Khun quickly realized Rachel wanted to be a  _ star,  _ not see them. He learned that she couldn’t really care more or less about what pawns she had to destroy, she wanted to be envied, loved, enjoyed - that’s why she took such a particular interest in Bam upon meeting him. He viewed her like the Earth viewed the Sun, like it was necessary. Like she was necessary. 

To say Khun was jealous was an understatement. For a long time he longed to switch places with Rachel. 

Bam and Khun talked about nothing and everything then, complacent in their position next to each other at the cafeteria, discussing things as mindless as the Gator’s attraction for sweets and various other sugary delights. 

They talked about the stars and Rachel, but not long before the conversation was dodged once more by Khun. Her name became hard to say, because the feelings of intense jealousy that swam within his heart were all consuming, and he’d find himself balling his fists so hard his knuckles would flush white. 

They talked about each other, too. 

“You’re really amazing.” Bam would say with such ease, such childlike wonder, with such round eyes full of life - windows to the soul, Khun would think to himself, and he’d have to bite back his desire to brush the hair from his pale face. Skin so pretty and delicate, and for a moment he allowed himself a fantasy, a fantasy of holding Bam’s hand, and seeing the stars for the first time  _ together  _ instead. 

Khun, without realizing it, was climbing the tower to see the stars with Bam, something so mindlessly innocent as that. 

As were many others. 

They’d never admit it aloud of course, rather choosing to ignore their blooming feelings of friendships and admirations, choosing to stick to their right of path, their desired realities and destinies, their goals and dreams of tremendous riches, glory. 

But they’d all still agreed to help Bam climb, even knowing they’d be labeled as  _ accomplices.  _ Something that would taint their record, and the Khun family even further, and something about that drove them all that much harder. They all shared a thought - 

They’d do anything to help Bam. 

Even achieve his dreams, his wishes, his aspirations. 

They continued to eat without him, continued to slay monsters and tests, continued to dream of waking up, so they could see Bam gleam at them with all of his virtuous and sinless being, how he was possibly an angel wrapped up in average clothes, in an average body. 

Actually, Khun silently mused to himself, Bam was gorgeous. The soft brown hair that would stick up messily in and odd angles, how his long eyelashes would kiss his cheeks with every blink of his eyes, how he had plump pink lips, and pearly white teeth - Khun maybe was a bit of a helpless romantic now, fantasizing of holding hands.

To say Khun was in love wouldn’t be far from the truth. 

The truth was, Khun was further than just  _ in love,  _ he had an immense desire to protect Bam, to hold him close and cover his ears, to save him from the world - but he’d also learned Bam was dependable, brave, and resilient. 

So Khun should’ve known better to assume he was dead, because after all…

There was no way. 

So Khun climbed the tower with Rachel, and ignored the guilt and fear and anguish that would flutter around in his mind, chest, and stomach. He would ignore it all, simply to fulfil Bam’s desires until they’d meet again, one way or another, Khun was  _ certain  _ of it. 


End file.
